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On the Bridge

by Michael Gaspari

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1.
Who am I? Where am I? Why am I standing here? There are walls, In my way. Only one window. Through these panes of glass I can see, That this is not where I’m supposed to be. Oo. I am who I am. I am who I am. I am who I am? But who am I in this place? All I see, Is black and white. Where is the color and light? I just roam, No room to grow. This is the norm, and there’s no way out! Through these panes of glass I can see, That this is not where I’m supposed to be. This is where I am trapped inside. This is the train I will have to ride. Oo. I am who I am. I am who I am.
2.
Looking back, through a small screen illuminated in black and white Beyond the songs saved in long lists are stories told of my past My life plays on my music player time capsule Encoded deep within. My life plays on my music player time capsule Move my finger across the smooth wheel set my destination and travel through time Place after place, Moment after moment Life gets written down in lines of code My life plays on my music player time capsule Encoded deep within. My life plays on my music player time capsule
3.
A vast landscape of trees. Their trunks infested with thorns. They tower over me, I am small. I am left to be tormented in this pit. I cannot climb without shedding blood. The thorns spread like a disease. They feed off the water I stand in. I look up into the sky. There is darkness all around I cannot climb without shedding blood. It's hard to stand in this place I want, I want to be heard You won't get a change from me I am, I am who I am But I cannot climb without shedding blood.
4.
5.
nothing 05:24
(Spoken Text) …where … am I … ? I’m drifting into space. I can’t… I can’t grasp onto anything. I-I’m scared! … I can’t see! I can’t hear! I can barely feel myself. I-I’m placing my hand on my chest, where is my body? What do I feel? I feel … I feel… I feel… I feel… I feel I feel I feel I FEEL! nothing… (Sung Lyrics) I wish to feel again to break through the endless fog The darkness is blinding I feel, I feel nothing A light, a bright blue light it’s coming closer. I try to swim away but it’s pull is oh too strong Nothing’s what I feel Nothing’s what I see Nothing’s what I hear Please let go! Leave me be! I need to feel again. I wish to feel again to soar along the coast I want to be me again cause now, I feel nothing.
6.
space 09:55
Walking down a long windy road. It continues into a void. This is not the place I am meant to be. Not anymore. I need to break free. I need to swerve off this road and flee. Looking for a new place. A new spot to be my safe space. I am not like the others. I have so much more to give. I just need to learn more about myself. And I need a place to do that, just not here. I need to break free. I need to swerve off this road and flee. Looking for a new place. A new spot to be my safe place. My ride will only follow its route. We are all trapped with the driver. Who will speak up? Who will pull the breaks? Who is listening to me? I WANT TO GET OUT!
7.
Walkers pass under the bridge. Overgrown by thorns so high. I mask myself. I can’t walk on the forgotten steel. I look above, it stares back at me. I say, please. Give me a place to be. You are trapped? In this dome, Under the vast glass sky. On top the bridge, I can be Closer to the point of breaking free. Let me stand upon Stimulation bridge Bring me closer, to break the glass sky. Let me be on the bridge Past the path of pain below. I can remove this fake persona, and be who I am. How do I venture on top? Where do I begin to break free?
8.
I listen with my heart, taking in every word from your lips. Your meaning travels through my ear, then drops to my chest. What you say speaks to me. Your words match my story. I begin to know who I am. All of these years, trapped in the dark You brought me here into the light. I speak, you hear, our stories are the same. We’ve lived through thick and thin, Our ups and downs are where we connect. In my life, I’ve been struck down been in dark holes. No way to escape. Surrounded by thorns. Once I looked up, I found the light. I fought through all that stopped me. We made it here, to tell our stories. I won’t forget this time, the moment I belong. This place is all I needed, with you, I found the moment I belong (8x) The moment I belong I fought through all that stopped me. We made it here, to tell our stories. This place is all I needed, with you, I found the moment I belong (7x) The moment I belong
9.
beyond 08:13
I’m moving on. I’m soaring along and beyond the coast. I am free. I am free to be who I am. When I look back, I smile to them. A bright red light. It gives me hope for what lies beyond this world. But what if I need to break through more barriers in this new place? I’m ready. I’m ready! I’m ready to say goodbye to those that I love, the ones who made me feel like I belong. With you I now am free. I am free. I am who I am. I am me.
10.
I am me I'm on the bridge Past the path Of pain below I now broke free Began to flee And now I'm me I am on Stimulation Bridge It gave me love And gave me hope And now I'm free I'm ready to To be who I am Cause I am who I am I am who I am

about

"On the Bridge" is the album I started working on following my EP "Summer Memories". This album is a concept album about my life being an autistic person growing up in a world not built for people like me. Right before COVID-19 hit in my Sophomore year at Oberlin, I was exploring my identity and discovered my neurodivergence through past experiences I have had and discussing those experiences with my parents. I was never until then told of the diagnosis I had had since I was three years old. In March 2020, we were sent home from Oberlin due to the pandemic, and during this time, I researched autism extensively and learned that many of the common traits of autism like sensory issues, special interests, social issues, meltdowns and shutdowns are traits that I have experienced without being aware why. Since the initial quarantine in early 2020, I have became an activist for autism and disability rights on social media. I have also been very vocal about my experiences as an autistic person on my online presence and with my peers at Oberlin and home. Because of all my research, self-discovery and acceptance, I felt that it was the right time to write an album about those experiences and take the chance to be vulnerable.

The album starts with music all about being proud of who I am, and then continues into explaining how I find value in objects that have significant meaning in my life. The second track "music player time capsule" mentions a music player that I hold all of my memories on through music that I have listened to, played, and composed. Moving further into the album, the music takes a dark turn and focuses on traumatic experiences I have had with bullying and physical abuse in public places like school and summer camp. All of this leads up to a chaotic track called "treading water" which specifically focuses on the worst experience I had regarding physical abuse from people who were not aware of my diagnosis. After this, I immediately move into a track that sonifies the horrors of being in a shutdown state where I can't use my senses after something traumatic happens. From here to the end, the album shifts focus to building myself up and finding acceptance in myself and knowing what and who I am. The first part of "stimulation bridge" is about finding a safe space where I can be my true self without anyone spectating me and judging me for being myself. The next track "the moment i belong" would be the climax of the album where I find people that also accept me at Oberlin for who I really am. From here, the album ends with a bang! I am free and proud to be myself and move on from Oberlin and out into the world to show what I can do and assist others like me to find their paths and shine. The music builds in intensity until the very end and is overall full of positive vibes.

This album could be seen like a reverse arch. The first 5 tracks start at a level place and end up deep in a valley. The last 5 tracks skyrocket back up into the stratosphere of happiness. The album also has two climaxes in each half. The climax for the first half would be the track "treading water", and the climax for the second half would be "the moment i belong”.

credits

released October 28, 2022

Production Credits:
Composer and Lyricist - Michael Gaspari
Producer - Michael Gaspari
Mixing Engineer - Michael Gaspari
Mastering Engineer - Michael Gaspari

Production Assistant 1 - Tempest Baum
Production Assistant 2 - Hamish Robb
Recording Engineer - Michael Gaspari
Assistant Recording Engineer 1 - Tempest Baum
Assistant Recording Engineer 2 - Hamish Robb
Album Cover Designer - Michael Gaspari
Album Cover Photographer - Ellie Weinberg

Musician Credits (In alphabetical order):
Orson Abram - Vibraphone (1, 6, 10), glockenspiel (2, 7-8, 10)
Tempest Baum - Electric organ (1, 3, 6, 8, 10), backing vocals (1-2, 5, 7, 10), ambient vocalizations (8), mandolin (7), additional guitars (10), spoken word (6)
Miles Berry - Bass guitar (1, 3, 6, 10)
Julia Collins - Co-lead vocals (2, 8), backing vocals (1, 3, 5-7), vocals (10)
Michael Gaspari - Lead vocals (1-3, 5-9), backing vocals (10), spoken word (5-6), piano pad (1-2, 5-7, 9), electric organ (1, 6, 10), electric piano (3, 6, 8, 10), pad synthesizer (3, 6, 8, 10), Moog Sub 37 synthesizer (3-4, 6, 8, 10), synth bass (3, 6, 8), “sound effects” (2-3, 5-6, 8-10), drum programming (6), pipe organ (5-6), orchestral arrangements (9)
Ben Hochster - Backing vocals (1-3, 5-7, 10)
Hamish Robb - Electric guitar (1-3, 5-6, 8, 10), acoustic guitar (7)
Ellie Weinberg - Drums (1, 3, 6, 8, 10)

Special Thanks:
Ami Dang
Aurie Hsu
Andrew Tripp
The TIMARA Department

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Michael Gaspari Miami, Florida

I am a composer, synth player and pianist born in Robbinsville, NJ. I am currently attending University of Miami as a graduate Media Scoring and Production major. I graduated from Oberlin Conservatory as a composition and TIMARA double major for my undergrad. ... more

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